Of Dreams, And Foolishness

She was crazy. She was normal. She was a little dreamy, and very practical. She was very loving, and hated very strongly. She was very generous, and could be very selfish.
She was a dream. She was his dream. She was the strangest, rarest of women. He'd never met anyone quite like her. She could bare her teeth in anger, and scare people into giving her what she wanted. And yet, she had but, to smile, and she'd charm them, into getting her own way.
She was rude, cutting through people's weaknesses. She was warm, making people feel better about themselves. She was his dream.
She had dark, bright eyes, that gleamed with a temper. Those same eyes, could crinkle up, and blaze love.
A dream. Unattainable, always just out of reach. She was the dream, that never goes away, tantalizes, torments, with its foggy memories.
But she was real. So very real. And so human. With human weaknesses, and human failings. She crumpled under pressure, but was as strong as required, when the ones she loved needed her.
So he dreamed. Dreamed of his dream. And as dreams oft do, made him believe she was his.
Wispy memories. From dreams of last night. She lingers on, somewhere, in the recesses of his mind.


Strangely dreamy,
Cynical Romantic,
(:

'Bhatt, Be Chai Aap!'

Its an unnaturally cold evening. We're sitting side by side, smoking, drinking गरम चाय , wondering what we're doing with our lives. Two insignificant people, in a big city.

You're thinking of all you lost, and how you messed up. I'm thinking of the future, of the challenges I will face, and the tears I will shed and the bridges I will burn.
Chaotic, is the only way to explain our thoughts. Yet, together we look comfortable, happy even. No one notices us, cocooned as we are from the world. Two quiet people in a fast paced city.
Together, we feel fine. I'm your light. Even in the cold, I'm your warmth. When you think of me, you say you think of fire.
 For me, you're, like lying down after a long hard day, and feeling each muscle relax. You're my comfort. That boy, lost in thought, the ever present cigarette, burning red in the dark, the चाय का  cup, with steam rising up. Despite the worries, and the burdens on our young shoulders, I'm  happy.

The cold winter breeze, the smell of smoke, the rickshaws passing by, and the people rushing by. We register everything, and nothing. When we kiss, its like coming home. Something falls in place. When I'll think of you, I'll always remember the Marlboro Hards, and the mint on your breath, and the crazy life we led, and the peace we found instead.

Always,
The Cynical Romantic,
(:

Once Upon A Summer Eve

That summer evening, we stood, a girl and a boy, and the sound of the train, rushing in the background.
I'm still that girl, and there's still those trains. But you're not that boy anymore. You're a man now. Older, smarter, more cynical.
I'm still that girl, naïve, sheltered, ignorant of worldly things. I'm still that girl, with the thought that, the whole world is good and kind. Like you used to be.
You're not that boy. You talk of things, I know nothing of. You look like a man with secrets. Secrets he must never share.
But I'm still that girl. And I still think the world of you. Oli now, now I'm scared of you.
Coz you're not the boy, who said, 'You're a miracle. Will you go out with me?'
No. Now you're the man who says, 'I tried, but I still like you, beyond reason, beyond safety'
But, I'm still that girl, and I don't hear the pain, and hopelessness in your voice. All I hear, is that I'm your choice. Naïve, foolish, misguided, I'm still your choice.
Coz you may not be that boy, of that summer evening. But you're the man, who says,'But you ARE beautiful, there's no questioning that.' And that, is enough for this young girl's heart.
This summer, there will be no boy and girl standing together. There will be a man, with shadowed eyes, and a girl, with stars in hers, and the train rushing in the background.

The New Year Is Here

It's the last seven hours of 2011.

There have been ups and downs, days when I've hated everything around me, when I've wanted to sit down and cry for a long, long time.

But there have been those, perfect, snap-a-picture-and-frame-it moments too.

Too damn bad, that those moments never stand out, when it counts.

So today, I went over every picture clicked this year. And I saw my face, happy, surrounded by people I love, and who love me. And it hit me, that I have a lot to be thankful for.

So I'm going to thank everyone I can, right here, so that they know they matter.

Urmi Das: You're the best friend, the sister, that unofficial family member. You've been making every year beautiful since 2006. You're the reason I have confidence in myself, and the reason I can stand up for myself. You're the one I let my hair down with, the oli person I sexy-dance with. I love you, cheers to another year of you and I.

Isha Maniar: What can I say lady, you're the classiest person I know. Also, the oli one who cusses like a fisherwoman, and looks adorable while she's at it. You're my favorite part, of each day, coz  thats the oli time, I am myself again.

Trushank Dedhia: You made this year bearable. You made it all okay. You stuck by me, you've supported me, you've been there for me, and you've looked after me. In so many ways, and then some, you've been the reason 2011 passed so smoothly. 

Vidit Mantri: It doesn't take a lot, to make someone smile. But it takes a lot of heart, to do that, when you don't want to smile. Thank you, for making me smile, and restoring my faith in men.

Aditi Pol and Nicole Anthony: Thank you. You know why. I don't need to say it.

Alistair Fernandes: For the talks. When I needed them. And for helping me through, when I was as muddled as muddled gets.

Aryaman Rajpurohit: For helping me realize the strength I have.

Raj Mohite: For being you. And for teaching me nothing about life is permanent. Not even the things most dear to us. For support when I was frantic and harassed. For letting me see the best in me. For never, ever letting me lose hope. And for giving me your arrogance, to make me believe I'm better than others.

Nikita Bangera: For being my most girlish of girlfriends, and for teaching me everything I know about, well, let's just leave that a secret.

If  I missed you out, its unintentional. I'm sorry.

Thank you, and Happy New Year.

Much love,

Your Cynical, and Ever-the-Romantic,

(:

To Tell A Story

I always smoke in the rickshaw.
Some people I know, can't, say its too windy. But I have to smoke in the rickshaw.
So that day, I get into a rickshaw, and am about to light up a smoke, when the rickshaw wala says, मत पीजिये Madam, मुझे नहीं जमता  . (Don't smoke Madam, I'm not comfortable with it)
I said, धुआं बहार छोडती हूँ, मुझे cigarette पीना है .(I'll let the smoke out, I need to smoke)
He didn't say anything, and I lit up.
When I reached my place, he says, Madam  उतरने पर मेरा गला देख लीजिये  .(When you get off, take a look at my throat)
I did, albeit very disinterestedly.
He had a long scar, from one end of his throat to the other. He had had throat cancer. From tobacco. I was so stunned, I didn't stop to ask him details.
I took a hit that day. I was embarrassed, frightened, and shocked.
A lot of people tell us to quit smoking, and about the ills of smoking etc.
And yet, nothing hits us, straight in the gut. Not till you experience it yourself. Till then, you refuse to listen. You've heard all they've said, but you haven't listened.
That rickshaw wala, whose face I'll never forget, touched a nerve. He affected something in me. Something in me shifted, and I didn't quite know, how to face it. I'm bad at confrontation, and this was the hardest form of confrontation: Confrontation with Myself.
After a lot of running away, and then a lot of messy, and won't-let-you-get-away thoughts, I came to a conclusion.
I'm quitting smoking. On the New Year's. To celebrating, exactly two years of smoking, and a healthier lifestyle.
And I'm hoping, I can influence other's too.
Kudos,
Your Cynical and Hopefully Healthier Romantic,

She Got Me Thinking

"When did being alone, become the modern-day equivalent, of being a leper?  Will Manhattan restaurants soon be divided up into sections -- smoking/ non-smoking, single/ non-single?" - Carrie Bradshaw, from Sex And The City

Today on BBM, I saw someone's status saying, 'Everyone has that special someone, oli I'm alone.'
Ufff.
Arey lady, have you ever stopped to think HOW lucky you are, NOT to have to fight with someone, you love beyond reason? How much money you're saving on birthdays and anniversaries? Sorry, I know its extremely stupid, but its true. We all think it, after a relationship ends.
You never have to call someone as soon as you're up, to 'check in'.
If you get held up at work, the oli person going frantic, is your mother. And if your Mom's like mine, not that either.
You will never get sloppy with your dressing. I know this sounds backward, but the more single you are, the more you dress up, and want attention.
Once you're in those 'comfortable' relationships, your fashion sense drops, you don't mind going out with unwashed hair, ill fitting clothes, you don't get waxes as often, and you never worry what people think of your new outfit. Coz your boy/girlfriend is sure to love it, no?
This is from a girl's point of view of course. I'm not sure what is sloppy for a man. They're generally sloppy by nature. So, maybe you don't change underwear in a comfortable relationship? Does that count?
For those whose parents don't approve, you rarely need to lie, you don't need to smuggle gifts in and out, you never have trouble saying, he/she's just a friend.
And you'll never, never be too busy for a friend. Or text constantly when you're with a friend.
You won't have to juggle weekends between friends, sleep, and your respective other.
Why aren't you counting the blessings? You're not compromising, not watch your ego die a painful death, or
having to worry about a breakup, or the future, 'where your relationship is going' etc.
I'm sure you half-of-a-whole(s) are happy. But I'm single. And I'm happy. And I know lots of people who are single, and very happy.
We've got everything going for us.

Except, that someone who'll hold your hand, just because.

Still smiling,
Much love,
Your Cynical Romantic.
(:

Happy Birthday, Little One

"I don't know how to fight, but I'd draw blood tonight, if somebody tried hurting you."- Plain White T's 

You're five.
You're beautiful. You're everything special, and good, in my life.
Before we got you home, I didn't know, what a blessing a dog can be. You've taught me, what it is, to love, unconditionally.
In you, I see all that is good in myself. Coz for you, I willingly wake up at all hours of the night. For you, I give up food I like. For you, I sacrifice the few hours of reading I get over the weekend, coz you want to play. With you, I am patient. I rarely lose my temper. For you, I am strong. I protect you. I would kill for you. Just as I know, that you'd rip out the throat of anyone who hurts me.
You're the peace in my life. When I come home at 2am, exhausted, and hating everything, sitting with you, in the dark, and listening to you breathe, is as close to Heaven as I'll ever get.
You're no angel. You've ruined my shoes, my books, my make-up. You've peed on me, I've had to clean up your poop, and wash your fat bum, when you have loose motions. You're stubborn, and spoiled.
You make me hold your bowl of water, even when I have backaches. I'm allergic to your hair, and your saliva makes my skin swell up.
You treat me like dirt some days, simply coz I'm 'younger'. When you were a lot younger, you snapped at me, in anger and frustration. You forgot all that a minute later. You licked away the tears, the pain you inflicted had caused. You rest your head in my lap, when someone breaks my heart, and its all okay again.
When he left, I weeped my heart out. You stayed there the entire time, never moving, never tiring. I'd never felt more loved. Losing him, was okay, coz I have you.
You listen to my best friend's problems. She tells me that you listen better than I do.
You're the glue that holds me together. If you hadn't entered my life, I'd never be this person.
I never cared so much for anyone. But now, I put you first. When I come home late in the night, even when I'm hungry and sleepy, I  make sure I give you fresh water. And play with you. Not out of a sense of obligation, but simply coz, its you, and I love you.
Never before, has any face made me so happy. When I see your brown nose, and listen to you snore in your sleep, I feel calm. Like life has fallen into place.
When I get you new toys, or food you like, and your eyes light up, and your tongue falls out, and you stare in anticipation, I store that image of you in my heart.
Little snaps of you, are hidden away in my heart. Someday, when you're not here, I will remember and cry.
But then I will smile, coz you changed the girl I was. Made me a better person. Made my life happy. You brought love into my life. When I was in danger of losing faith in love, you restored it. You've made me care. You've brought me back from the brink. Someday, you won't be here. But your memories will.
But for today, you're five. And you're here. And that's enough.

Love,
Your Very Human Sister.

This should have been up, on the 3rd. Honey was ill all of yesterday, and I was working before that. So this is late.
Apologies.