"I'll show you how much my shit stinks, and ask you what you think, coz your thoughts and words are powerful."- Kimya DawsonI was struck with a thought today. Everyday, every hour, every minute for that matter, we make decisions. Some that we aren't even conscious of. We make them automatically, with a barely a thought given.
There are so many decisions I've made I regret. From small decisions like giving in to a food craving, that makes me obsess about my weight, to major decisions like choice of my career option. They've been spur of the moment, not-really-thinking, decisions. And if I had the choice I'd go back and change them.
Why though? Why do we make such decisions? When its up to us, to choose, why do we still choose wrong? I can blame no one for the wrong decisions I made. No one forced me, I was given the choice. What is it about our human nature, to make decisions we regret later?
Are we really so hasty, that we don't stop to think? Or are we so near-sighted as to not see the possibilities?
What happens when you make a life-altering decision, and it happens to be the wrong one? Do you get a chance to correct it? Or are you stuck coz you chose wrong? Who do you blame, when you mess up? When you're the only one at fault? Coz its human nature to put the blame on someone. So should we blame God? God, when you gave me the good sense of being able to think for myself, and make my choices, why didn't you give me the good sense to choose right? Its all your fault. You're supposed to be looking out for me.
When our actions are the cause for our pain, why do we get angry with Him? Why do we take our temper out on God, and stay mad at him?
We find it so easy to forgive those humans we love, who err, then why do we not forgive Him who gave us a chance to love? Is it coz we believe Him omnipotent? He's all knowing, all powerful, so he shouldn't go wrong? But humans are faulty, naïve, they can mess up?
I make a decision today. To take responsibility for all my actions. When I make a choice, solely my own, I shall not blame God, or my family, or my boyfriend and friends. I will accept that I was wrong, and blame no one.
I also decide that from now on, I will think till the end of my thinking capacity before I choose something.
For I believe, today, that a delayed decision, is better than a wrong one.
This life is my own, I want to die knowing I chose what was best for me. And without regrets.
I don't usually think so deep. But I did today. And I thought it should be written. Coz my thoughts and words are powerful.
I'm sitting in a rickshaw, with a cigarette burning in my right hand, stuck in crazy traffic. I could curse Mumbai, and the heat. However, I write.
For the choice to write too, is my own.
The Romantic Cynic.
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