"The Wound Is The Place Where The Light Enters You"- Rumi

"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times. If one only remembers, to turn on the light."- Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

It took the first shower of Mumbai rains, to show me what I've been searching for since my break up.

I kept hurting, feeling like I'd never heal. I felt needy, and I hated it. I would stay home and read all day. And meet Isha in the evening, for that mandatory evening smoke. I looked forward to this part of my day. Somehow I felt that all that loneliness would somehow disappear if I wasn't alone with my thoughts.
It felt like stale grey smoke in me. Like all I needed to do was exhale and it would be gone. But I never managed to exhale. It just wouldn't go away. No matter how hard I tried.

And then it rained. Heavily. First shower. I was home. I couldn't stop myself, I got dressed, and went out for a smoke.

I went to that windy place. It's this place near home, where no matter the weather, it's always windy, and there's this great chai wala.
And there, in the rain, with my chai and my cigarette, I felt that grey polluted smoke leave me. It felt like it whooshed out.

That's when I knew:

No one else was going to heal me. That would have to be me. And I didn't know it, but my own company worked wonders on me. I'd never felt so happy. Since the end of a rapidly deteriorating relationship I'd presumed I'd never feel okay alone. And that day I just was. I was fine. Smiling at nothing in particular, and enjoying the rain, despite the mud splattering over the back of my jeans.

It took one solitary evening, to make me whole again.
Next time, I will love a little bigger, and a little better.