Sandcastles Built With Stone

Sunshine. Smiles. Sugarcane juice. Smoke from cigarettes. Laughter. Bright lights. The coastline. A distant horizon. Loud, happy voices.
A cab, moving so swiftly, everything outside is a blur. Two people lost in thought. Coming to terms with the feelings in them. He, accepting, that an old love was lost, and wondering at his dependency on the small woman next to him. She, battling all that she knew was right, and wanting desperately to succumb to what everyone would say was wrong. In love, with the big man next to her.
A cab, moving so swiftly, the two people in it, wished the journey were longer. The first, cautious, inhibited kiss. Suddenly disconnected, from the world around them. A kiss that lasted forever, and was over too soon.
A cab, moving through Mumbai traffic, the two people in it, comfortably lost in the soft warmth of love. Hands held. Promises of a true tomorrow.
Two people. Insignificant in this crowded city. With life moving swiftly around them, as if on fast forward.
Life in technicolor. No rose-hued glasses. Just color. Lots of it. Blues, greens, reds, browns, the black and white, and all those shades of grey.
The cool winter breeze. The warm winter sun. The beach. Two voices floating in the breeze. The shouts of young boys playing cricket. Two people, oblivious to them all.
The heat of the summer. The flies. A merciful breeze, breaking through the oppressive heat. Two people, still oblivious.
Big and strong, he finds his real strength in her. Small, defenseless as she is, she has depths of strength, she is unaware of.
The dust that flew, the smoke we blew. The depths we swam, and the heights we climbed.
Postcards of every tomorrow, life running on, God bless our similar hearts.

The Ragged Coastline, Of A Sun-Warmed Mind

"I'll show you how much my shit stinks, and ask you what you think, coz your thoughts and words are powerful."- Kimya Dawson

I was struck with a thought today. Everyday, every hour, every minute for that matter, we make decisions. Some that we aren't even conscious of. We make them automatically, with a barely a thought given.
There are so many decisions I've made I regret. From small decisions like giving in to a food craving, that makes me obsess about my weight, to major decisions like choice of my career option. They've been spur of the moment, not-really-thinking, decisions. And if I had the choice I'd go back and change them.
Why though? Why do we make such decisions? When its up to us, to choose, why do we still choose wrong? I can blame no one for the wrong decisions I made. No one forced me, I was given the choice. What is it about our human nature, to make decisions we regret later?
Are we really so hasty, that we don't stop to think? Or are we so near-sighted as to not see the possibilities?
What happens when you make a life-altering decision, and it happens to be the wrong one? Do you get a chance to correct it? Or are you stuck coz you chose wrong? Who do you blame, when you mess up? When you're the only one at fault? Coz its human nature to put the blame on someone. So should we blame God? God, when you gave me the good sense of being able to think for myself, and make my choices, why didn't you give me the good sense to choose right? Its all your fault. You're supposed to be looking out for me.
When our actions are the cause for our pain, why do we get angry with Him? Why do we take our temper out on God, and stay mad at him?
We find it so easy to forgive those humans we love, who err, then why do we not forgive Him who gave us a chance to love? Is it coz we believe Him omnipotent? He's all knowing, all powerful, so he shouldn't go wrong? But humans are faulty, naïve, they can mess up?
I make a decision today. To take responsibility for all my actions. When I make a choice, solely my own, I shall not blame God, or my family, or my boyfriend and friends. I will accept that I was wrong, and blame no one.
I also decide that from now on, I will think till the end of my thinking capacity before I choose something.
For I believe, today, that a delayed decision, is better than a wrong one.
This life is my own, I want to die knowing I chose what was best for me. And without regrets.
I don't usually think so deep. But I did today. And I thought it should be written. Coz my thoughts and words are powerful.
I'm sitting in a rickshaw, with a cigarette burning in my right hand, stuck in crazy traffic. I could curse Mumbai, and the heat. However, I write.
For the choice to write too, is my own.

The Romantic Cynic.

The Leprechaun Stole The Colors Of The Rainbow

'You go back to her, and I go back to black.'- Amy Winehouse 

The color blue fades away into grey.
Even that bright pretty shade, can become dull grey, lifeless, devoid of color. Like someone sucked the vitality out of it.
The sky is a dull grey right now. The sky in her world. Out side the sky is a midnight blue.
Butterflies died. Kohl spread from big brown eyes, and down caramel cheeks. The light went out those eyes.
Doors banged shut. Silence crept in.
The curtains fluttered. The still hot night, holding her secrets. Light footsteps somewhere nearby.
She walked silently to her bed, tears streaming down her cheeks.
It wasn't blue anymore, there's no color left behind. It was grey everywhere she looked. Life, had lost the color, she'd been promised it would have.
Even when the sun came out, the shades that had once made her smile, were lost. The faith she had in life, died. She'd live, exist, purely because, she doesn't know better. But, what use is such a life?

She draped on a scarf, to hide her tears, and walked out to face the world.

Letter To You

Dear Boyfriend,

Life toh bada hard hai.

Hindi toh usse bhi hard hai. You do nothing but khit khit about the rubbish Hindi I speak. I say 'Neend aa raha hai' and 'Neend chali gayi.', and your hair stands on end.  My English is good, shouldn't that be enough?
The exams just went by, and you doubt you'll pass all your papers. I'm 1/3rd a graduate, let's see if you get there too.
Industrial training starts in a month, and I don't want to go. I'll never see you, or barely ever. And then the skies will turn grey over my head. Not coz you won't be there, but coz the monsoon will be here.
Life is getting pretty hard, isn't it Boyfriend? You didn't expect the pile of bricks that fell on your head last night. We don't expect these things, they come without calling, the horrid things.
But we must live through them, hard as they are. I know it won't be easy, its the hardest thing for family to deal with. But you gotta do what you gotta do.
I'll be there, we'll get through it.
Maybe if we look hard enough, we'll find the proverbial silver lining too.
Coz the world won't end, love. Not yet. We won't stop living.
Take Life as it comes, and move with Her, before She drags you under. If its too swift, hold onto me. I'll help you stay afloat.
Its getting dark. Darker than we've known it, darker than we've seen it.
But your sight will adjust. And I'll always be there to hold your hand.
Stick around. Maybe we'll see the light of day together.
Together. There's a promise in that word..

Much love,
Your Girlfriend.